


Drabble Me This

by GhostofBambi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 12:37:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13717821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostofBambi/pseuds/GhostofBambi
Summary: A collection of (hopefully) humourous Jily drabbles - as requested by friends and followers.





	1. Lily Evans Breaks Her Leg

**Author's Note:**

> I previously had this on FFevil but I wanted to start a drabble collection here because, honestly, I much prefer this site. Any new drabbles will be added to this story and linked on my Tumblr.
> 
> This first one is inspired by my friend Rachel and was originally written as a gift for her.

"Evans!" James Potter cried, charging into the hospital wing with all the resolute determination of a stampeding wildebeest, and the hair of a Roman god. "I came as soon as I heard!"

Lily Evans looked up from where she sat, perched sedately on the edge of one of the beds. Remus Lupin followed Potter into the room looking sheepish. She blinked at them.

"Um," she said.

"How are you? How did it happen?" said Potter, hurrying to her side. He dropped to his knees and examined her leg closely. "Are you in pain?"

"No," she said bluntly, looking at him as if he were mad. He met her eyes and his gaze was full of admiration.

"You don't have to be brave," he cooed, taking her hand in his and patting it gently while Remus averted his eyes and choked back a laugh. "We're all here for you. You can even cry if you want to."

"You idiot." Lily pulled her hand from his grip. "I'm not in pain because Pomfrey's already fixed it. She fixed it as soon as I got here. She's in her office filling out a report now."

"Oh," said Potter, and looked disappointed. "I was really looking forward to being chivalrous."

"What?"

"Well, it's a Gryffindor trait, you know," Potter explained. "As you know, I have on many occasion displayed my nerve and daring."

"Have you?"

"I thought I might round out the trio with some chivalry. You know how it is," he said.

"I really don't," she said, and suppressed a wild urge to laugh. James Potter often reacted to situations such as this by acting like a nincompoop in order to lighten the mood. She looked at Remus to steady herself. "Thanks for the help earlier."

"That was quite a tumble you took," said Remus, smiling kindly at her. He had been the one to witness her fall down the third floor stairs, and had kindly escorted her to the hospital wing. "James was pretty upset when I told him."

 _So why did you tell him_ , Lily wanted to ask, but she knew the answer. Remus told James about her broken leg for his own amusement, knowing that James would jump at the opportunity to get dramatic about it.

"I was devastated when I heard, Evans," said Potter, adopting such a forced expression of sincerity that it must have been causing him physical pain. "I got down on the floor of the Great Hall – on my knees – and I wept. Bitterly," he added, as an extra bonus.

"I'd believe you if you weren't smiling," she replied archly.

"You weren't weeping on the floor of the Great Hall," put in Remus. "You were looking for a Sickle that had rolled under the table."

There was a moment of silence while Potter stared at Remus.

"You can leave now," he said.

Remus left the room laughing. Lily and James looked at each other.

"Don't really know what to do now," said Potter, shrugging. He stood up. "My earlier plan was dashed. I feel a bit silly, really."

Lily tried to think of a clever response. "What?"

"My plan to cheer you up by being ridiculous, while at the same time charming you in a way that you can't quite understand."

"Uh-huh."

"That plan, in truth, is part of my ultimate master plan to convince you of my innate goodness so that you'll like me, which is actually quite selfish, come to think of it, so maybe I don't have any innate goodness after all."

"That's a lot of introspection for fifteen seconds," Lily pointed out. "You might want to slow down."

"That'd probably be best, Evans," James agreed, and sat down in a chair across from her bed. "I really was worried, you know."

"I know," she said, feeling the need to throw him a bone, because the wind had gone out of his sails a bit, and she really did like James Potter, all things considered. "And for the record, I'm already convinced of your innate goodness, you don't have to try so hard."

He looked confused. "Are you?"

"Yes."

"For how long have you been convinced?"

"I dunno." Lily shrugged. "Ages?"

"Why wasn't I informed?"

"Well, to be honest, I thought the fact that we were friends might have given it away."

"Oh," said Potter, cocking his head to the side and staring into space in a way that Lily only assumed he believed was dashing. "That would be the logical thing to assume."

"Also the fact that you're taking me on a date on Saturday."

"Yeah."

"And all of the kissing we did last night."

James grinned at her, and she smiled back.

"Remus doesn't know yet," he said gleefully. "None of them do. I'm planning a big reveal after the date goes brilliantly and we officially become a couple."

"What makes you so sure that the date's going to go brilliantly?"

"I come from a long line of Seers."

"That's a lie."

"I knew you were going to say that," James replied smoothly, and pointed at his own temple. "I see all, I know all."

"You're ridiculous."

"Yes," he agreed. "I am. And it's cheered you up. I'd say that plan's gone without a hitch."

"I must admit, I do find it charming in a way that I can't quite understand," she replied, pretending to be contemplative.

"That is the very hallmark of Potter charm, you know," he replied, with a cheeky wink.

"What happened to wondering if you were innately good and being broody?"

"Eh, that's old news," said Potter with a wave of his hand. "What we need to focus on now is your recovery. I hereby pledge to devote myself to your comfort!"

Lily laughed, for lack of a better response.

"I will not leave your bedside for one instant," he declared, his eyes filled with purpose. He belonged on the stage, Lily thought. "Except for when I have classes and meals and need to sleep, or need to go to the toilet, or if I have Quidditch or get bored. But aside from that! Until you are fully recovered, nothing on earth can make me leave this—"

"You can go now," said Madame Pomfrey, emerging from her office.


	2. Lily and James are in a CW teen drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank Gossip Girl, Riverdale and The OC (although that's technically a Fox show, it was made by Josh Schwartz so it still counts) for inspiring this.

James Potter sat in the diner with his friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They all had milkshakes and burgers – none of which they touched at any point, and yet, they never went hungry.

"Things are so bad with my parents," said Sirius moodily. His father was the cold and unloving head of Black Industries Inc. and his mother drank away her pain.

"My mom and dad are driving me crazy," said Remus, whose parents were pushy overachievers. "No wonder I'm so snappy and neurotic."

Peter, whose parents had died in a massive explosion, said nothing. He picked up his burger, remembered that he wasn't supposed to eat it, and put it back down again.

James said nothing. He had a Supportive Single Dad, but he was still full of angst.

A bell rang, signalling that someone had walked into the diner. All four boys immediately turned to look at the door even though it was a busy diner and the bell rang all the time.

A girl with red hair walked through the door in slow motion, and James noticed her immediately. His eyes widened as she moved gracefully to the counter and ordered a coffee to-go. She looked over at him and smiled enigmatically.

"Who is  _she?"_ he said to his friends.

"Lily Evans," said Remus, who knew everything on account of his mother being the mayor of Hogwartsville. "She just moved here from the city after her father lost everything in a class-action lawsuit and her parents got divorced. Now she lives with her mom and her cruel sister. They have nothing to their name."

Peter wondered why, if Lily had nothing to her name, she was wearing designer clothes and carrying a $3,000 handbag, but he said nothing. He was a tertiary character on account of his lack of hotness, and barely had any lines.

***

James Potter's Supportive Single Dad was hard at work at the art gallery he owned when an old friend stopped by.

"Hello, James' Dad," she said, with a wry smile.

"Lily's Mom," said James' Dad. "What a surprise to see you. It's been years."

"Yes," said Lily's Mom, tossing her long red hair. "Years since our fleeting romance, which ultimately ended in us marrying other people and having children with them."

"But the flame remains," said James' Dad.

"Yet, we're from Different Worlds," said Lily's Mom.

"That's so true, Lily's Mom," said James' Dad flirtatiously. "Let's make-out, date, break up and remain close friends. It has to be this way."

"Of course," said Lily's Mom. "Because my daughter and your son are Endgame."

***

The next day, at school, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter sat on comfortable couches with cups of coffee. Nobody else ever sat in those couches, though there were a lot of other students milling around. That was pretty much all they did during the day – nobody ever went to class.

Some jocks walked by and made fun of Remus by calling him things like, "Freak!" and "Nerd!"

"You know, you might want to refrain from tossing insults around when you're working as an oppressed, suburban fry-cook in a rough neighbourhood," said Remus pithily.

The jocks lunged for him but James rose up in outraged majesty and punched one of them in the face.

Peter looked down at his notepad and crossed  _Fist fight within the first two episodes_  off his list.

***

"James," said James' Supportive Single Dad. "You can't punch people at school. You're captain of the water polo team. Think how this will look on your college application."

"I can't help it, Dad," said James, in an angsty way. "I'm just trying to figure out who I am."

"Who you are is my son. I need you to talk to me. How can I help if I don't know what's going on with you?"

"You just don't understand."

"You're grounded," said his father, knowing that this meant nothing, and that James could come and go as he pleased. "Go to your room."

"Fine," said James. He walked sadly away. It was so difficult to be attractive, wealthy, talented and intelligent. He had too many opportunities and too many girls wanted him.

***

James was in his room, being grounded, when he saw her, Lily Evans. As it happened, she was his neighbour. His window handily looked into her window. As she slipped a camisole over her lithe body, she saw him watching. An unspoken agreement passed between them.

Five minutes later, James met her in his yard.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she said.

They smiled shyly at one another.

"So," said James.

"So," said Lily.

"Wanna go to a movie?"

"I'd love to, but I can't," said Lily, twisting her diamond bracelet around her wrist. "I'm kinda broke. I got a job at the record store to help my Mom but…" She shrugged. "It's hard without Dad here."

"That's cool," said James. "Want to go to the Quarter-Moon-Winter-Semi-Formal-Formal Dance at school?" Hogwarts High never needed an excuse for a dance.

"Sure," said Lily. "But let's stare intensely at each other first."

They started making out.

***

The moody, mysterious Sirius Black stood on his porch and looked across the land. He had just come from another fight with his father, who wanted him to do things like Grow Up and Take More Responsibility, yet he knew that his father was involved in dodgy deals, so it was a tough situation.

"I hate living on the wrong side of the tracks," he said, and it was true. He  _did_  live on the wrong side of the tracks. His school, the mall and the diner were all on the other side, and Sirius had to cross them every day to go anywhere. It was really annoying.

Just then, a train went by and a body was flung from it. It landed at Sirius' feet. It was the body of a secondary character Sirius knew!

"Well, that was convenient," said Sirius.

**End**


	3. The Husky Hippogriff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not for Vishal. He doesn't even go here.

"Good morning, my Husky Hippogriff."

Lily Evans turned in her seat and looked up at her boyfriend with an expression of pure incredulity. James Potter smiled winningly down at her, and ruffled his hair sexily.

" _What_  did you just call me?" she said.

"Husky Hippogriff," said James happily, and slid into the seat next to her. "How about a good morning kiss for your dashing boyfriend?"

He leaned over to kiss her, but she turned her head and stuck her nose into the air, scowling. Amused, he pulled away and poked her in the side.

"What's wrong, Fluffybum?"

" _Fluffybum?"_ Lily slid away from him on the bench. "Are you deliberately trying to insult me?"

"What's wrong with Fluffybum?"

"You're implying that I have a hairy arse," she said loftily.

"Well, to be fair," said James, snickering. "Everyone has a little bit of hair on their arse."

"Wow. Romantic."

"How about… my Charming Commander?"

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Because you're good at Charms?" he offered. Lily's other eyebrow rose to join the first. "And because you're always telling me what to do?"

"Oh," said Lily. And she stabbed a sausage with unnecessary venom. "Insulting  _and_  stupid."

"Why so defensive, Fannyfreckle?"

Lily made a strangled squealing noise at the back of her throat and punched her boyfriend's shoulder, then looked around wildly to see if anyone had heard him. Nobody had.

"I will  _kill you,"_ she threatened.

"But Lily," he implored, trying to hold in the laughter. "You know I like that freck—"

" _James_!"

"What?"

"You can't -"

"I even gave it a name."

"You can't just -"

"I think it's really pretty."

" _JAMES_!"

"Why are you so angry?"

"How would you feel if I called you Tinypenis?"

"Well, that's just not true," said James, reaching for a slice of toast. "There's no need to be hurtful, you know."

Lily ignored him, and continued to eat her breakfast.

"I'm really hurt that you don't like any of my nicknames for you," he said presently. "I tried really hard to think those up. I made a shortlist."

"Heh."

"I had Peter and Remus vote on them."

"Eh."

"Sirius was the impartial commissioner."

"Impartial comm—" Lily dropped her fork and pulled at face at James. "That doesn't even make sense!"

"You don't make sense," said James, pulling a face in return. " _Brian_."

"Right, that's it," said Lily angrily. She grabbed James's hand and stood up, dragging him from his seat. He stumbled a little as he followed her out of the Great Hall.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking you somewhere private so we can snog," Lily snarled, barrelling through a group of innocent second years. "It's the only way to keep you from bloody talking."

James grinned. It seemed like his dastardly plan had worked after all. Sirius was going to owe him a Galleon.


End file.
